CALIGULA? CALIGU- NAH!

Tuesday, January 25th, 2011

Caligula, no thanks.

Seriously, I like my porn how I like my dead Roman emperors: on pay per view. NOT in my living room, while I am in a snuggly boo.

Caligula: I’m a whore no more.

Me: Ok, but you’re dead. So…..doesn’t death make you reformed?

Caligs: Hell no. The afterlife is one big singles cruise. Except with none of those awesome napkins folded into animal shapes.


Me: Yeah, those are awesome.

Caligs: So, anyway, as you know, today is my death day! And I don’t wanna be remembered for being a ¬†super slut. Although, if there was an award for whoring it up, I’d win.

Me: Well…..

Caligs: What?

Me: Well, here there is a little thing called the Jersey Shore so you may not even place.

Caligs: I invented whoring.

Me: I thought you didn;t wanna be known as a whore

Caligs: Right. So, I did a lot during my reign. I completed the temple of Augustus. I improved the harbours at Rhegium and Sicily. ¬†And my fave, which is what I now want to be remembered for, is my creation of the aqueduct Anio Novus or I like to call it “the New Anal”.

Me: So, now you want to be remembered for creating the New Anal, but no mention of whoring.

Caligs: You got it dude. Happy Death Day to me!



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