Posts Tagged ‘cats’

ONCE MY ENEMY, NOW MY FRIEND

Monday, April 26th, 2010

Lately, I have been haunted  not by a ghost, but by something very real, and WAY more terrifying: the ROM COM. And not just any rom coms, but the ones starring Matthew McConaughey. I’d rather watch President Taft take a bath ( which is funny because Taft is fat and got stuck in the tub).

Matthew, you make it hard to love you.  I mean, really, your IMDB list of film credits reads like it was done on a dare.  Just look at yourself. This tripe has been looping on my tv.

McConaughey collage

And your personal motto, “just keep living,” really? Your foundation is called jk livin, the j is for just, the k is for keep. It is literally as though you are begging for a beating.

ace yelling at mcconaughey

But you rescued my brothers and sisters from Hurricane Katrina. And you saved a cat from some juvenile delinquents trying to burn her alive.  So, McConaughey,  I have changed my opinion of you, despite your aversion to shirts and your god-awful movies, we are friends for ever.

Maathre mcconaughey hearts


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HEMINGWAY’S GHOST CAT ARMY HAS A SOLUTION FOR NICKY SPARKS

Monday, April 12th, 2010

There are times when I am happy to get up, well never truly happy, but there are instances of supreme human stupidity which justify a ghost’s need to wake me up to commiserate. This is just one such occasion. So for this nonsense, I poured myself out of bed…..and I was not disappointed. Appalled, yes. Disappointed, no.

Apparently, one Mr. Nicholas Sparks has been chatting himself up to whomever can stomach the inane ramblings of a madman, so I must assume that he has been talking only to brick walls, by the fact that he has not been fed to a pack of ravenous pigs (as per the movie Snatch, pigs will devour a human, bones and all….so mommies keep those  valuable little kiddies far away from the petting zoo or leave them unattended, depending on the how irritating the child is).

Among the brilliant anecdotes and nuggets of wisdom Nicky Sparks has imparted upon humanity, he had the absolute gall to not only act like he’s read a Hemingway novel, but to put himself and Hemingway in the same category. Apparently,  Sparky said the following in an interview A Farewell to Arms, by Hemingway. Good stuff. That’s what I write. That’s what I write.” ( Check out the whole thing, folks. It’s comic gold.)

WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT??? Seriously, what the shit?

This nonsense makes Hemnigway’s  ghost cat army very displeased.  And an unhappy cat is an entertaining cat, what with all the devious scheming and secret killings. Enjoy. You’ll see why I didn’t mind so much being woken up.

Hemingway's Ghost Army of Cats

Cats are loyal and vindictive. And Hemingway, in addition to being a wildly talented writer, took excellent care of his cats. Watch your back, Sparks.

Pirate Cat in Hemingway's Ghost Army

Oh, and Sparks, you are on my list too.

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